Being Al-Rijal and An-Nisa’ ( Part 1 )

What is the formula to secure husband-wife relationship in order to make it always strong, firm and long-lasting? Some people say that only the true love between couple can preserve their relationship while others believe that children are the prominent key for this purpose. In fact, one cannot deny that it is easier said than done to keep this kind of relationship.

Focusing on western culture, most people nowadays are hesitated to legalize their relationship. They tend to not bind them officially as both are free and if there are problems in the future, they can easily break it up. No matter how they try to justify it, having said that it is hard for them to believe that marriage can make spouses to be more understood and loyal between each other.

In Islam, marriage institution is considered to be the important phrase in human life. Not surprisingly, there are a lot of versus from Quran and Sunnah talk about family, marriage, divorce, and rights between all of family members. All of them are the strong proof how Islam is very serious to preserve and strengthen family relationships either between the couple or between them and their children.

One of the interesting versus is from Surah Al-Nisa’ as Allah says:- 

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. ( An-Nisa' : 34)

Before moving on how this ayat shows the practical guideline for men and their spouses to manage their marriage, having said that there are a few misunderstandings that must be cleared first. For example, some people, especially those who are actively fighting for equality between genders claim that Islam promotes discrimination. By this ayat, it is understood that men are always to be top on women regardless their attitude, ability and achievement. In contrast, no matter how excellent women are, they must obey to men and could not be appointed as a leader forever.

Likewise, some Muslims also interpret this versus in the same way but they take it for granted. As a husband, they believe that they can do anything to their wives. Like a king, they order their wives to do everything. Failing to obey or fulfill their demands or desires means that their wives have caused God outrage. As a result, we can see some bad husbands speak very harshly to their wives, humiliate them, and even physically abuse them.

The main problem for both groups is they do not read the versus wholly. As for the first group, if they read this ayat entirely and carefully, they will understand that its context is about family institution, not for all things like politics, study, career, rights and others. In Islam, family is an organization that leaded by Ar-rijal. Apart from that, Allah uses the word rijal with alif lam. In Arabic alif lam indicates the word is specific. Therefore, it is wrong to translate the word ar-rijal with men. In other words, not all men would enjoy the title of ar-rijal.

How can men to be ar-rijal?

Based on the ayat, there are two conditions:-

1. Allah has given one over the other

2. What they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.

Regarding the former, it is understood that a man who want to be ar-rijal must prove for themselves and parents that they are able to take care, to educate and to protect his wife. Thus, to accomplish it, his physical, intellect, emotion, spiritual must be stronger than his partner. If not, he has to find another woman. As for the later, to be ar-rijal, a man must spend his wealth to sustain his wife, including shelter, foods, clothes and other necessaries.

Regarding for the second group, they have to be cleared about the real meaning of the word qowwamun. Most of them interpret it as owning the women. In fact, the word qowwamun means to be in charge. In other words, husbands in Islam are the protector and those who are responsible for their wives.

So, Islam asks men, if they are willing to take this responsibility, then they are declared to be Ar-rijal. Meanwhile, their wives are not servants, but as the trustees. Failing to sustain it means that they have to answer in front of God.