The concept of marriage in Islam : the best reflection before getting a divorce

It is no secret that nowadays divorce is becoming increasingly common in Malaysia. In 2012, there were 56,760 divorces recorded in Malaysia, almost doubled from 2004. It means that in every 10 minutes, one couple chooses to end their sacred relationship. Focusing on the young couples, there has been a steep rise in the number of divorce petitions being brought by them.

In fact, there are obviously many different reasons why divorce rates have shot up, but the younger generation’s shifting attitudes are clearly to be the main contributing factor. To solve this problem, it is suggested by a few experts that society should minimize the sanctity of marriage. In other words, let people feel like they have an option when their relationship as not as they expect. To justify this view, personal happiness should be much more important than marriage institution.

Marriage in Islam

It is obvious that marriage is the important phase of human life. However, some people claim that their marriage is unlikely as their dream. In addition staying with their current marriage might be detrimental for one or both of them. Thus, as other laws and religions, Islam also provides an exit for couples if they find it as the only way to solve their problem.

But having said that, before claiming that Islam supports the divorce, do we fully understanding Islamic perspective on marriage institution? In fact, it is not simple as people think. In contrast, divorce is considered to be the lawful thing which Allah hates most. Thus, the divorce in Islam should be understood alongside its philosophy of marriage as follows:-  

1. Realizing the marriage contract

Due to the importance of marriage in a person’s life, it must be built based on a contract which involving a man, a woman, the woman’s father ( or other wali ) and at least two witnesses. This shows that marriage is a serious decision for people. Moreover, Quran has described marriage as the solemn covenant. Allah says in surah An-Nisa’:

“And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?” ( An-Nisa’ : 21 )

It does not mean that Islam discourages people from getting married, but they have to realize once they are declared to be a official husband, it means that they are ready to accept a huge responsibility to take care, guard, sustain and give the happiness to their spouse. Therefore, both spouse should be prepared physically, intellectually, emotionally and the most important is spiritually.

2. Choosing the right spouse.

Face the fact, the journey of marriage is determined by how far people concerned to choose their spouse. Thus, Islam stresses that a successful marriage depends on haw far people chose the right candidate. As for men, Islam gives the clear guideline as The Prophet solallahualaihiwassalam said:

"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed."

Why religion is considered to be the best choice? It is because a pious woman knows her responsibility, obligation and family dignity as she knows how to treat her husband very well, grow her children and take care the house when her husband go out.

Likewise, women or their father also need to pick the right man as the prophet said that

"Whoever comes to you and you're pleased with their deen and character (khuluq) marry them!" Whoever comes to you and you’re pleased with their deen and character (khuluq) marry them! If you don’t, there will be corruption and great harm in the earth.” ( Tirmizi )

3. Understanding the purpose of marriage.

This is the great question that must be answered by those who want to end up their single period. Even if they are successful to find good spouses but falling to understand the real objective of marriage might give the negative impact to their marriage later.

The beautiful versus from surah Ar-rum indicates about it.

And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. ( Ar-rum : 21 )

Based on this versus, there are a few things that must be concerned.

a. Marriage is the sign of God. It means that the success or failure of marriage will be determined by God. Thus, to preserve and strengthen the relationship with God should be first if people want to achieve happiness in their marriage.

b. The main purpose of marriage as mentioned in this versus is to make men feel tranquil with their wife. In other word, people have to struggle to keep their marriage tranquilly. Forgiveness, tolerance, patience, gratefulness, mindfulness, receptiveness should be practiced by both husband and wife as far as they live together.

c. As a result, Allah promises to provide their marriage with love and mercy. The love that awarded by God is different as it is coupled with his blessing. As for mercy, it makes the marriage in Islam is the way to spread God mercy. Marriage is not just builds a relationship between husband and wife but also connect a wider relationship between two big families, making them know each other. Another mercy of the marriage is to produce the new generation of humans. Thus, it is totally wrong when people just want to marry because of love without any intention to have children.

So, before choosing divorce as the way to solve the marriage problem, does the marriage comply with the concept of Islam?